101 days into my 20th lap. 69 hours into 2021 (as I'm writing). 1 post on this blog to begin the year. I sat & thought about these odd number of circumstances as I laid on my futon in the dusk of the night. Coming off of an odd year, the outlook on this year is also just that: odd. I say that in connection & contrast of what last year was for me from beginning to end. Tumultuous, volatile, & sporadic. I gained much more insight about the stock market in 2020. Just like the market itself, my year had some very high highs & valley-like lows. This year, for me & probably for most people, is going to be what 2020 should have been.
I flew into my hometown of Indianapolis from Las Vegas on my 20th birthday. This lap has been very sacred to me so far; I'm in a completely new decade of life, yet so far away from true adulthood. Throughout these (odd) three plus months I've spent in my city and in this new decade I have to call home, I've noticed many deficiencies in myself & my life. I picked up habits, people, places, thoughts & emotions that were not who I believed myself to be on the inside. In this world and society, youth is first something that is looked down upon. Once you mature, it is that same youth that is then coveted. On a FaceTime call with a friend of mine who found herself on the path of motherhood this past year, I talked to her about how I look at my years now. Not only of my personal lap, but the lap of the Earth itself. I spoke in contrast to how she now looks at her own, as she now has another human to account for. Bless her heart, she's 7 months now. Wild. It just goes to show that these aren't long laps by any means, but I feel as though we take them for granted for the simple reason that we don't value the days we have. I don't mean to get "deep". I just don't understand how we can watch the accumulation of 365 days pass us by & then go on to say, "time flies." That's absurd. Why make New Year's resolutions when we can make New Day resolutions? Honestly, I don't even think it's the world, it's this country that has produced and sustained this façade that we change every year. Not by every day, minute or second, but we shed this shell that we've previously had for a full 365 days. In this personal lap of 20 & in my spiritual life most of all, I learned that a flower needs to be watered, pruned & exposed to sunlight every day in order to grow. Are you growing or withering?
This has been the longest three days of my entire life. Not in a bad way, nor a good way. I think this year has already made me realize that whether we utilize it or waste it, time will pass. The moment has already come & gone. I say to my colleagues & friends often, "Time doesn't have a receipt." What do I mean? Well, with things you purchase or maybe are given (especially due to us being at the end of the holiday season), you have the option of returning it or even exchanging it for another item. Not time. Once you spend it, it's spent. I think that this generation will never understand that just how you can spend & waste money thinking what you're spending it on is useful (or having the knowledge that it's not), we can oftentimes do the same thing with our time. I'm a Christian, and my belief in the fact that Jesus Christ died on the cross for me to have eternal life has given my time on this perishing Earth some much needed perspective. I won't live on this rock forever. Heck, sometimes I even think about who I am, what this brand represents and who all supports and is involved with it. Nor will this stand the test of time. Nothing will. Which brings me to this question...why not live life like my hourglass is running out? Now I'm not saying take up some daredevil hobby like base-jumping or skydiving, or even to be reckless with your life that you will perhaps shorten your allotted days. I mean to live, not just be. I think we take the term human beings a little too literal for my personal liking. Even with A.B.O.Y, Snake Eyes, and the multiple other endeavors I see myself pursuing in my future on this Earth will essentially be all-for-naught. Although this brand isn't for me--it's to pass on, as is everything else I'm setting a foundation for--what will it really mean?
If you are a consistent reader on this blog, I sincerely thank and appreciate you for listening to some kids talk about what they know & understand life to be. I haven't sold one shirt. I don't even care. The only thing that has A.B.O.Y on it is a sticker that my partner bought for $5 and actually could've gotten cheaper. I tell my team all the time, if I never sold one shirt (which again, I haven't), I want people to know what this brand and the founder stood for. What is that, you ask? Well, it's in our name. I think the more I participate in this journey of this company, as well as my Christian walk, I understand that this was once a play on your (& my own) self-reliance. But who are we? Who am I? I'm a child of God, with the Holy Spirit within me. So in a way, I am still A.B.O.Y. But having the knowledge of Who is within me, I am perfectly content in pushing all my chips in. In this thing called life, whatever chips you have to give...put it all up. It's definitely a life worth living once you do that.
-II